


BMC Tumblr Prompts

by romantichopelessly



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, can all be read alone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 06:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 17,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16907739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romantichopelessly/pseuds/romantichopelessly
Summary: Just a bunch of one shots based on prompts that people sent me. Each chapter can be read alone.





	1. Richjake - "Why haven't you kissed me yet?"

**Author's Note:**

> All uploaded from my BMC Tumblr @/living-the-upgrade

16- “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

 

Rich picked at the sleeve of his jacket nervously. It wasn’t yet warm enough to ditch the outer layers in favor of Rich’s preferred short-sleeves, what with it being only February.

Leaning back against the cold brick of the school exterior, Rich exhaled shakily, watching his visible breath travel up and into the cloudy sky.

His mind travelled back to that morning, when Michael and Brooke had assured him that he could in fact do this. He had told the two about his… problem.. about two months ago, but this was the first time that he had seriously thought about doing something about it.

He remembered Brooke’s kind eyes as she pressed a green Jolly Rancher into his hand “for good luck” and Michaels huge grin as he ruffled Rich’s hair and told him that no matter how Jake responded, the three of them would go out for slushies to celebrate one of them actually getting the balls to confess their hopeless crushes.

Rich was beginning to regret thinking that he could do this. Obviously Jake wouldn’t react positively, they had only just gotten back to normal after Rich had burned down his fucking house-

“Hey! Bro! Thanks for waiting. Frisbee Golf took a bit longer than usual, but what can you do? I’m assistant captain so I can’t just leave.”

Rich looked back down from the sky in time to see Jake’s bright smile as he made his way over on his crutches.

Butterflies exploded in his stomach at that perfect smile. God, how was he doing to manage this?

Pushing for some sense of normalcy, Rich offered his own smile, “Jakey-D!” Oh no that sounded stupid, didn’t it? Rich pulled on his sleeve some more and swallowed down his impending panic.

“Uh.. Rich, dude, is everything okay? Are you- You need some Red or something? I’m sure Michael has some-“

“Nah- N-no I’m good. Super.” Rich flinched at his lisp and cursed himself for not even trying to find a better word.

“You sure..?” Jake had become more attuned to Rich’s moods since they had gotten closer, he should have known that he couldn’t keep him at bay for long.

“I- Of course I am. I-“ Rich remembered Brooke and Michael’s confidence and pride in him and pushed back another excuse. “I actually had something I wanted to tell you.” Rich forced his eyes back up to Jake’s concerned ones.

“You know you can tell me anything, Rich. Shoot.”

Jake’s easy going smile was what gave Rich the last bit of courage he needed. “I’m bi.”

Jake’s brows furrowed, “Uh, Rich, I know that. You told me that like as soon as you found out, why are you-“

“I’m bi. F-For you. I have a huge gay crush on you, Jake Dillinger. And- And I know you’re Pan, but it’s okay if you’re not interested in ever trying anything because you’re my best bro and I’d never compromise that, but I’ve sort of had a crush on you for like ever, I just never could get it out because of the SQUIP and then because of everything I’ve done and- and you’re just… amazing and a really good person, better than anyone I’ve ever met. You even forgave me for burning down your house!! And you deserve to know so I’m telling you. Jake, I-“

“Rich.” Jake had an unreadable expression on his face when Rich looked back up at him.

“Y-Yeah, Jake…?” Ready for rejection, Rich squared his shoulders and tried to regain a steady breathing pattern.

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

Rich blinked. He- What?

“I- What?”

“I like you to, Rich. Just kiss me already, bro.”

Rich didn’t waste any time trying to understand what had just happened. He acted.


	2. Expensive Headphones - "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

18- “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

 

Michael straightened his bedsheets for the forth time that day. He knew, logically, that they were clean, but he needed something to do with his hands. Michael took in a shaky breath as he went over the checklist in his head.

Video games stacked neatly in the cabinet under the television? Check.

Dirty clothes picked up off the floor and put in the washer? Check.

Empty chip bags and Pepsi cans taken out to the trash? Check.

Those warm vanilla scented candles that Jake said Rich liked burning and dispelling the smell of weed and old socks? Check.

Bed straightened? Check and double check.

Michael released his breath and pushed down the urge to call Jeremy again. He knew what he would say. He had hung up on his best friend not twenty minutes ago. His last words were still echoing in his head. “Seriously, Micah. Don’t worry. You actually cleaned your room for once. He likes you, it’ll be fine.” Of course, those words of wisdom had been followed up by a joke about how Michael would be too sweaty and anxious to even hold Rich’s hand, so there was really no reason to be worrying about how to go in for a kiss.

Michael shook his head and looked down at his Legend of Zelda shirt and contemplated changing again. (Honestly, Michael, he’s way too cool to be into something like that-) Just as Michael was about to ditch the nerdy shirt for a plain black one, the doorbell rang.

Michael bit his lip and fluffed his pillows one last time before turning determinedly and made his way upstairs to let his date inside.

He took one more steady breath before plastering a smile on his face and adjusting his glasses as he opened the door. “Hey, Rich. Welcome to my humble abode.”

Michael stepped aside, taking a good look at the shorter boy as he came into the house. He was wearing a deep blue jacket and acid wash jeans. His blond hair was mussed just enough to look like he wasn’t trying, but not enough to look messy. The vibrant red streak had faded a bit and was in need of a touch up. As Michael’s eyes traveled to Rich’s face, he saw that the boy was looking up to him with a lopsided, easy-going smile. Michael’s heart melted.

Yeah, this was going to be okay.

“Hi, Michael. Nice shirt.” Rich’s lisp appeared slightly with every s sound that he made and Michael felt as if a small army of butterflies were exploding in his stomach.

“Thanks,” Michael cleared his throat, “Come on, we can go to my room.” He was endlessly glad that his moms were out for the day as he turned and led the way down to the basement, Rich’s light steps following him.

“So did you have any plans, Mikey?”

Normally, Michael would balk at anyone calling him Mikey. Not even Jeremy could get away with that nickname. But coming from Rich it didn’t sound quite so childish. In fact, he sort of liked it. “I don’t know. I was thinking maybe video games? Or we could just hang out and talk.”

“Cool. Cool.” Rich ran a hand through his hair and plopped onto one of the beanbags in front of the tv. Michael grabbed two controllers and sat in the other. Though his nerves hadn’t completely subsided, video games were familiar territory. He could always do video games. He passed a remote to Rich and started up a game that they chose together.

Thirty minutes in Michael was much more relaxed. He knew that it was still a date and he still couldn’t screw this up, but somehow things with Rich were easy. They were laughing and joking and yelling at the tv. It wasn’t all so different from when they had hung out as friends.

Until Rich decided that it was too hot in the basement to be wearing a jacket. He didn’t make a big deal out of it. There was a simple, “Damn, Mikey, it’s hot as hell down here,” and Rich took off his jacket.

Michael had seen glimpses of Rich’s burn scars before. The ones on his hands and neck were hard to hide and nobody much mentioned them. But rich had taken to layers after the fire and Michael hadn’t seen his arms in their full glory since before Halloween, and then he had never really allowed himself to look. You couldn’t exactly have a crush on your best friend’s bully.

Rich was almost too nonchalant about revealing the myriad of scars that littered his arms. Michael tried not to stare but found himself looking despite his best intentions.

Rich shrunk almost imperceptibly back into himself as Michael’s eyes travelled up and down his arms.

Michael didn’t have much experience with love. He had only kissed one boy in elementary school and hadn’t really considered serious relationships before he met the real Richard Goranski. But something in that moment possessed him. Something warm and fulfilling and soft. Something that made him say-

“You’re the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen.”

Rich jerked his eye’s to Michael’s, shocked at the statement.

“Wh-What?”

Michael swallowed a lump in his throat but didn’t take it back. “You heard me.” He offered a smile. The most genuine smile he had given in a long time.

Rich smiled back, his blue eyes twinkling.


	3. Jake x Jenna - "Can I kiss you?"

7- “Can I kiss you?”

 

Jenna Rolan was not used to being noticed. She had learned in seventh grade that listening was much more valuable than talking about things that no one else cared about.

Everyone liked her when she was talking about who Madeline was sleeping with, much more than they liked her talking about her favorite episode of Myth Busters.

It was just the way of things. Chloe Valentine spoke to her to find out the latest scandals, and she was cool for a time.

And then everything went to shit junior year.

By Christmas her junior year, Jenna was once again a nobody. Ever since the Halloween fiasco, she knew she couldn’t rely on gossip to make people like her. But there was nothing else interesting about her. The gossip and rumors were who she was. Who she had been for years.

Which was why it was a surprise when Jake Dillinger of all people started talking to her for her.

It started with the little things. He’d sit by her at the lunch table and ask how her day had been.

That turned into him waving to her in the hallways and calling her ‘Jen’.

Which became him inviting her to Frisbee-Golf games and asking her about her favorite books.

Which eventually became Jenna having a crush on Jake Dillinger. He was the first person in ages who listened to what she had to say. Or, well, listened and seemed to enjoy it. He would watch her with a smile on his face, and prompted her to continue whenever she began to believe that she was rambling too much.

And he was the most attractive boy at Middleborough High.

So could you really blame her?

“-and that’s why Bulbasaur is the best of the three original starters.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Jenna blinked, a blush blossoming on her cheeks. “What did you say?”

Jake grinned at her, his chin resting on his hand and a fond look on his face. “I asked if I could kiss you. I’ve always liked girls who aren’t afraid of what they like. And I’d very much like to kiss you.”

“I- Sure.”


	4. Boyf riends - "Another nightmare?"

36 - “Another nightmare?”

 

When Michael was little, he had the worst nightmares. He would wake up, drenched in sweat and shaking before padding upstairs and to his moms’ room to climb into bed with them.

He remembered one time, when he was nine, waking up from a particularly bad nightmare. He was shaking so hard he couldn’t stand at first. Tendrils of the dream clung to the edges of his mind, leaving him petrified. By the time he had woken up enough to be lucid, he barely had the time and energy to stumble up the stairs and down the hall to the bathroom before throwing up all over the gray tile.

His mother took him to a doctor after that.

The doctor had explained that the night-terrors were completely normal for a child of his age. Despite the reassurance, his mother had pressed the issue, and Michael got his first prescription for a sleep aid.

The pills weren’t a magic cure. Michael still had awful nightmares after that. Ones that he didn’t remember, ones that made him scream, and quiet ones that left him shaking in his bed, too afraid of being a burden to get up and wake his moms.

The first time Michael had a disruptive nightmare around Jeremy, they were eleven. Michael woke up with a shout, and there was a loud thump as Jeremy fell off of the bed.

Michael was shaking too hard to see straight, let alone ask if Jeremy was okay. Jeremy climbed back onto the bed in almost no time, a concerned look on his face.

“Michael? Are you okay…?”

Michael could only shake his head in response. He could still feel the sheer terror of the dream, whatever it had been, and he didn’t trust himself to speak.

Jeremy didn’t have time to get anymore from Michael, because then the door to the basement opened, and his moms were downstairs, worried looks much like Jeremy’s on their faces.

Michael would have felt guilty if he was more awake.

The next thing Michael remembered was sitting at the kitchen bar, wrapped in a worn quilt with a warm mug of hot cocoa in his hands. When he turned and saw Jeremy sitting beside him, bleary eyed and confused, Michael felt fear begin to grow in the pit of his stomach once again. Jeremy would make fun of him for this. He would think that Michael was such a baby for still having nightmares that made him cry. Michael stared into his mug, trying not to start tearing up again.

Michael zoned out as his moms sat down to explain Michael’s condition to Jeremy. Michael swirled the cocoa around in his mug, waiting for the end of the best friendship he had ever had.

What Michael did not expect was to be wrapped up in a big hug as soon as his mom’s had explained. Michael was shocked, unable to move as Jeremy squeezed him tightly.

“I’m sorry you have nightmares, Micah.”

Michael felt his heart tighten with his overflowing love for his best friend.

———

As Michael grew older, the nightmares became less and less frequent, and the ones that he did have thankfully didn’t cause him to wake up screaming anymore.

Somehow, Jeremy still always knew. Michael didn’t know how. Maybe it was some sort of best friend intuition, or maybe Michael just looked like shit after a nightmare night. But no matter how hard he tried to hide it, the morning after Jeremy would take one look at Michael and give him a sort of sad smile and spend the whole day being overly positive.

If Jeremy was staying over on a bad night, no matter how quiet Michael was, Jeremy would always wake up and distract him after a nightmare. It was like he had some sort of Michael alarm that alerted him of bad dreams.

He would take hold of Michael’s hand, offer to go make hot chocolate, talk about new video games coming out soon, or just sit in silence and rub Michael’s back.

As ashamed as he was for needing that sort of help, Michael couldn’t help but soak up the caring attention.

Michael found himself enjoying that time with Jeremy more and more as the years passed. It wasn’t that he didn’t love every second that he spent with Jeremy. He did. But those moments, when Jeremy looked at him with nothing but concern and care in his eyes and there was a warm and comforting hand in Michael’s…. those moments were special to Michael. He couldn’t quite identify why until he was fifteen.

The boys had just started their sophomore year of high school. Jeremy had invited Michael over to stay the night on the first Friday night of the school year, as per their tradition.

Michael had been doing better. He’d only been getting one nightmare a month, and he’d stopped taking his sleep aids because of it. He had been doing well.

Which meant, of course, that he woke up in a cold sweat, shaking that very night. He had barely been up for two minutes, gasping for air and trying to muffle his whimpers when Jeremy stirred next to him.

“Another nightmare..?”

Maybe Michael was too shaken to be thinking properly, but right then, it sounded like Jeremy was so sick and tired of him that a part of Michael’s heart died. He whimpered again, turning away from his best friend.

Jeremy propped himself up on his elbow, worry taking over his features. “Micah…? Do you wanna talk about it?”

Michael shook his head silently.

“Okay..” Jeremy reached out and gently took Michael’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Well, I’m here.”

It took a few more minutes of deep breathing exercises and Jeremy rubbing slow circles on the back of Michael’s hand to get him to calm down. Jeremy didn’t speak again until Michael’s breath had evened and they were both laying down again.

“Can I ask what it was?” His voice was soft. He wasn’t pressuring at all, and Michael loved him for that.

Holy shit, Michael Mell loved Jeremy Heere.

Michael must have gasped audibly, because Jeremy’s concern only grew. “Michael?”

And suddenly, Michael could remember the nightmare. It was like a flash of lightning in his mind. The pain, the loss, the sense of hopelessness and worthlessness came rushing back to him. He was in love with Jeremy, and Jeremy would never love him back. Jeremy was too good for him. He’d leave him, and Michael would be completely alone. He’d wake up in the middle of the night, gasping and crying and completely alone, and there was nothing that he could do about it.

Despite his wishes, Michael could feel the tears welling up in his eyes once again. Jeremy’s eyes widened, and suddenly Michael was engulfed in a warm hug, much like the one he’d been given those four years ago when Jeremy first found out about his chronic nightmares.

Michael let himself be comforted, listening to the steady beat of Jeremy’s heart as he rubbed his back slowly.

“Please don’t leave me.” It came out of Michael’s mouth unbidden. He bit his lip harshly, praying that somehow Jeremy didn’t hear him. He didn’t need any more of a reason to see Michael as weak.

Instead of laughing or brushing it off, Jeremy held Michael tighter.

“I would never.”


	5. Expensive Headphones - "I've been waiting all my life for you."

20- “I’ve been waiting all my life for you.”

 

Rich lay back against the pillows at the head of Michael’s bed and hummed to himself as he waited. His boyfriend had left fifteen minutes ago to go get slushies and still wasn’t back.

At some point just making out had gotten rather boring and since Michael’s moms were asleep upstairs, Michael had offered to drive out and get slushies. Rich had agreed but complained about having to put on shoes, so Michael had promised that he would be back with the iced drinks in twenty minutes.

Rich was getting bored. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he hopped down and looked around the room for something to do.

There was no use starting up a game, Michael would be back soon and he’d have to turn it off. Michael’s computer was on the desk, but even though Rich knew the password (PacmanRulez256), it wasn’t charged. Out of the corner of his eye Rich saw a flash of red.

Turning slightly he saw Michael’s red hoodie laying on the floor. Rich grinned and walked over to the hoodie. He picked it up off the floor and immediately pulled it on, bunching the sleeves up so that they fit his arms.

Rich looked back down to see that the hoodie had been on top of Michael’s over-large white headphones and cassette player. He bent down and gingerly lifted them, as if holding treasure.

He knew how much these items meant to Michael. They were his sacred safety objects. Whenever the halls of the school got too loud, Michael had his own portable oasis from the hectic crowds. He always had the most blissful expressions on his face when he was listening to his music.

With a rush of love for his boyfriend, Rich lifted the headphones and gently placed them over his ears. Walking backwards, he sat on the end of the bed and closed his eyes as he pressed play.

A reggae beat started up and Rich huffed a laugh to himself. Michael Mell had the weirdest music taste. God did he love him.

‘I want to love you, and treat you right  
I want to love you, every day and every night  
We’ll be together, with a roof over our heads  
We’ll share the shelter, of my single bed’

Rich leaned back until he was laying on the bed. He put the cassette player on his stomach and folded his hands gently over it as he let the music take him away.

The Bob Marley gave way a soft ukulele song in a language he didn’t understand. (It had to be Tagalog though, Michael spoke that.) It was like listening to Michael’s soul. Each song was wildly different but each fit the eccentric boy perfectly.

Rich didn’t even notice how much time had passed, but soon enough the first side of the tape was finished. When he opened his eyes to flip the tape over, he saw Michael sitting by his head, smiling down at him with that goofy half smile that he reserved for when they were alone.

Rich pushed the headphones off his ears and down to his neck. He opened his mouth to apologize for using Michael’s things, but the darker boy placed a single finger over Rich’s lips.

“It’s fine. Did you like it?”

Rich gently moved his boyfriend’s finger and licked his lips, “Yeah. It’s beautiful, Mike.”

Michael’s eyes softened even further. He used the hand that Rich wasn’t still holding to push his hair from his eyes. He leaned down and placed one chaste kiss onto Rich’s forehead, “I’ve been waiting all my life for you, you know.”

Rich swallowed down a swell of unknown emotions and put a gentle hand on Michael’s smooth cheek. “Me too.”


	6. Platonic Brooke x Michael - "The way I feel when I'm with you..."

13- “The way I feel when I’m with you…”

 

Brooke leaned back in the beanbag and yawned loudly. Friends played in the background, but neither one of the two teens seated in front of the television were really watching.

Brooke pulled her fuzzy pink cardigan closet and rested her head on Michael’s shoulder. She checked the time on his phone as he shot tiny birds at the little green pigs. It was nearly three AM.

The two of them had been planning this sleepover for weeks. They had gone home from school together, Michael asking Jeremy for the sixteenth time if he was okay with walking home by himself. They had gone by Seven Eleven and picked up their favorite snacks. Doritos and popcorn for Michael, pickle chips and flaming cheetos for Brooke. Oreos and sodas for the both of them. They had laughed over the fact that they were both suckers for Fantas, though Michael liked orange and Brooke liked grape.

When they had gotten to Michael’s place, Michael had introduced Brooke to his moms (who really were sweet women) and took her downstairs.

For the past ten hours Brooke and Michael had played Super Mario, Michael had French braided Brooke’s hair, Brooke had painted Michael’s nails a dark blue, the two had laughed over something stupid Jake did at lunch, they spoke about their respective crushes and finally watched Friends.

Brooke was glad that she could do this with Michael. He was her best friend now, and she didn’t know what she would do without him anymore. He was always willing to listen to her go on about all of her girl crushes, even though he couldn’t relate. And she was always happy to listen to him talk about Jeremy.

He always made her feel better. After the whole SQUIP thing, when Brooke mentioned in passing that she had spent nearly the whole night of Halloween crying, he confided in her about what had happened to him that night in Jake’s bathroom.

The two had become fast friends after that.

And now Brooke was about to fall asleep after a long day of hanging out.

“Hey, Brooke…?” Michael gently jostled Brooke on his shoulder.

Brooke yawned and stretched, sitting up and rubbing her eyes blearily. “Yeah?”

Michael was looking at her with a fond smile, “I just wanted you to know how great you are, Brookie.”

Brooke smiled softly and punched his shoulder lightly, “You too, nerd.”

Michael sighed dramatically and flopped back onto the beanbag. “You don’t get it. The way I feel when I’m with you…”

Brooke leaned on her elbow and looked over at him, “Yeah? How do you feel?”

“Safe.”

Brooke watched as Michael took his glasses off and began to clean them. “I feel safe with you too, Michael.”

He grinned goofily at her and she did feel safe.


	7. Boyf riends - "I just want you to be happy. Even if it's not with me."

27 - “I just want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.”

 

Michael had never really planned on confessing to Jeremy.

Ever since that fateful day in seventh grade, when it dawned on Michael that his feelings for his best friend were not at all strictly platonic, Michael had learned to keep his emotions in check.

Not that he didn’t let himself feel for Jeremy. He did. Frankly, there wasn’t much that he would have been able to do to stop that anyway. He just loved quietly. Privately. Jeremy couldn’t ever catch on, because Michael knew himself and his best friend, and therefore knew that if Jeremy found out, their friendship would be forever changed.

Even though he had no practical plans to ever tell Jeremy how he felt, Michael often dreamt of how he would hypothetically confess. He’d daydream of worlds where he could ask Jeremy out without consequences. Like a normal person, who didn’t have twelve years of friendship on the line. He would write speeches and confessions on the margins of his notebooks. or leave them saved in files marked as gay porn on his laptop. He would mentally act out the completely impossible romantic confession over and over again.

And because Michael was ever the optimist, these mental exercises would always end well. With Jeremy pulling him close and whispering soft ‘I love you too’s against his lips. Or even just with Jeremy hugging him tightly and promising him that they would always be friends. No matter what.

Michael knew that, realistically, it could never be that easy. Real life was messy. Jeremy was a complicated person, and there were infinite ways that he could react to a difficult conversation like that. Not all of them were good.

So, Michael never planned on telling. As long as he didn’t let his feelings interfere with their friendship, everything would be fine. They were always meant to be Michael and Jeremy, Jeremy and Michael, and no stronger than normal feelings were going to change that.

Despite his wishes, Michael’s grand plan to never tell anyone began to fall apart as soon as Jeremy started to date Christine Canigula.

Michael was happy for Jeremy. Of course he was. With Christine, Jeremy was so much more confident. She was the girl of his dreams, and Michael would never hold that against either of them. Jeremy was brighter, had come to terms with who he was, and most importantly, he was happy.

And Michael was happy for him. Proud of him.

That didn’t stop it from stinging a bit, though. Michael had always known that Jeremy was straight, and more importantly, into Christine, and that Michael’s unauthorized feelings would never be reciprocated. He had thought that he had come to terms with that a long time ago, but seeing Jeremy’s face brighten every time that Christine touched him, seeing Jeremy grow and become a much healthier and happier version of the boy that Michael knew stung.

Jeremy was ten times happier with Christine than he had ever been with Michael, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit… jealous.

As soon as Michael identified the feeling, he hated himself for it. He didn’t deserve to feel jealous over Jeremy’s happy relationship. Jeremy was still there for him whenever he wanted. Michael didn’t own him, and he should be more supportive of his friend.

Before he knew what was happening, Michael was pulling away from Jeremy. He was making excuses when Jeremy offered to hang out. He was avoiding Christine in the hallways and spending more and more time listening to his feel bad playlists. Michael was practically moping, and he hated it. The very feelings that he had tried to keep hidden to save their friendship were going to tear it apart, and Michael was just too much of a coward to fix it.

He knew that he would have to fess up eventually.

It was either that, or lose Jeremy forever.

He just couldn’t make himself do it. Four years of bottling up feelings made for a hard habit to break. 

Luckily, or maybe unluckily, the decisions of where, how and when to come clean were not left up to him. Jeremy approached him after a month and a half of the avoidance scheme.

Jeremy had never really been confrontational, so when he made a beeline for Michael’s locker that Friday morning, a determined look on his face and the straps of his backpack in a viselike grip, Michael was almost scared.

“We need to talk.”

Michael closed his eyes in defeat. This was it. After four years of hiding, Jeremy was going to make him tell him. Michael could only nod in agreement to Jeremy’s statement.

Jeremy almost looked shocked, as if he hadn’t expected it to be that easy. He shifted on the balls of his feet, looking at Michael’s locker and back to the other boy. “A-After school?”

Michael almost smiled as Jeremy’s stutter returned. He nodded again, not exactly trusting himself to get words out.

Jeremy nodded back, subconsciously mirroring Michael’s movements. “I’ll meet you at your car then.” He gave Michael what looked like a forced smile before turning on his heel and heading for his first period class.

Michael spent the rest of his day in a daze. Thankfully, he didn’t have any tests, because he definitely would have bombed them. He kept replaying his fictional confessions from over the years in his mind. Somehow, the endings this time around were much darker.

In what felt like no time, the final bell had rung, and Michael was trudging towards his car. He was just delaying the inevitable. He told himself that over and over again as he slowly packed up his books, with a care that he had never shown before. He had to do this. If not for himself, then for Jeremy. He deserved to know now.

When Michael got to his car, Jeremy was already standing at the passenger side door, pulling at the straps of his book bag. He offered Michael a shaky smile, which Michael actually managed to return this time.

For Jeremy.

The ride to his house was silent. Jeremy kept looking as if he were about to say something, but his mouth always snapped shut before he could even utter a syllable. Michael was grateful for that. If Jeremy had started talking, he probably would have talked himself into a spiral, and Michael would have confessed in the middle of the open road, and they most definitely would have gotten in a car crash.

Neither boy spoke until Michael had shut the basement door behind them.

“Dude, I’m sorr-”

“Micah, what’s-”

They laughed nervously. It was quiet for a few more seconds, before Jeremy spoke again.

“What’s going on? Is this- Is this a SQU-”

“No!” Michael shook his head frantically. “This isn’t about that self important tic tac, I promise.”

“Then what is it, Micah? Because I don’t know what I did wrong.” Jeremy’s expression was so lost that Michael’s heart hurt. He did this.

Michael cleared his throat. “You didn’t do anything. It’s me. I….” Michael trailed off again. He had to do this. For Jeremy. For. Jeremy. “You remember when you first told me about you liking Christine?”

Jeremy nodded, his eyes confused.

“And- And I told you that I was gay?” Michael’s voice shook slightly. If anything, that confused Jeremy even more. Michael was always open about his sexuality. Michael continued. “I actually liked someone then. Did you know that? And- And I kind of still do. I just, I want you to know, before I tell you, that it isn’t a big deal. I don’t expect anything. Ever. I never have, and I never will, because I know you, and I know you’ll never love me like that.” Michael’s eyes were watering. He stared at a spot over Jeremy’s shoulder.

Jeremy gasped slightly. Michael couldn’t bring himself to look his best friend in the eye, but he knew, just from that one breath, that he was too shocked to say anything. Michael could picture the exact face he must be making.

“I’ve loved you since seventh grade. And I know that it’s selfish, but I just couldn’t stand being around you and Christine, because you were so happy, and I just-” Michael cut himself off. “I had to tell you. You deserve to know. Jer, I just want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.” His voice cracked on the last syllable. Michael could feel the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment, but he still couldn’t bring himself to look at Jeremy. This was the moment of judgement. This would decide the future of their twelve years of friendship.

Before he even knew what was happening, arms were wrapped around Michael’s waist, and Jeremy’s face was buried in his hoodie. Michael stared down at him in shock.

“Micah, no. You- You should have t-told me. I wouldn’t have- I don’t hate you for it. I would never. You’re my best friend, Micah, you have to know that I don’t think of you any differently for this. I- I still love you.”

And then Michael was crying. Michael was crying in big, ugly, hiccuping sobs. Sobs that had been building for four years. He wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s shoulders and clung to him like a lifeline. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of Michael’s shoulders. A weight that had been hanging on him for four years, through first crushes, through late night gaming sessions, through evil supercomputers, and through one first relationship.

There, in that dimly lit basement, the two boys cried their eyes out, clinging to each other. There, the two began to heal.


	8. Expensive Headphones - "It's always been you."

3- “It’s always been you.”

 

Michael, by nature, was not a jealous person. He was a sharer. He met his best friend by sharing his crayons in kindergarten. He was always the person to offer their food to friends. He wanted everyone to enjoy his favorite things. Music, movies, games, books, it didn’t matter. He didn’t jealous of things.

In ninth grade, when Michael was sure that he had a crush on Jeremy, and learned that he liked Christine, he didn’t feel much of anything. He just wanted everyone to be happy.

Which was why he didn’t understand why he didn’t like Rich touching Jake like that at first.

He knew they weren’t dating. They were just best friends. So why, exactly did he get this burning feeling in the pit of his stomach every time Jake put an arm around the shorter boy? Or at the way Rich smiled whenever he told another story about how cool Jake fucking Dillinger was?

For instance, this morning Michael was in a generally pleasant mood. His moms had made banana nut muffins for breakfast and he was smiling as he made his way down the hallway. Nothing was wrong in the world.

That is, until he saw Rich Goranski. He raised his hand in a wave, a bright smile on his face, but Rich didn’t even see him. Michael faltered for a second before noticing that, duh, Rich was in the middle of a conversation, of course he wouldn’t see Michael coming.

Rich was looking up at Jake with a bright smile. Michael’s favorite. As he passed the two, he heard a snippet of their conversation.

“-go to prom with me?”

“Yeah, of course, dude!!”

And it was like he’d been sucker punched. All the air came whooshing out of Michael at once. There- There was no way. He quickened his pace and turned the corner into a different hallway, not even bothering to stop at his own locker.

What did this mean? Were Rich and Jake… dating? He hadn’t even known that they liked each other. And, hell, even if they were why did it hurt so much?

“Michael?”

Michael looked up just in time to stop himself from running into Christine.

“H-Hey Chris.” Shaking his head to clear it, he met her concerned expression with a shaky smile.

“Dude, what’s wrong?” And of course, wherever there was Christine there was Jeremy. Typical. He glanced down at their linked hands and suppressed an urge to roll his eyes. What was going on? He’d always been supportive of Jeremy and Christine.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Michael, you walked right past your locker and your face is all red.” Christine reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder, but Michael jerked back. She bit her lip and pulled her hand back. “Come here.” Turning on her heel, Christine started walking away, pulling Jeremy and obviously expecting Michael to follow.

What else could he do?

Christine led them to a door to what looked like a supply closet and pushed both boys in. “What’s going on, Michael?”

“Where are we?”

“Theatre supply cabinet. You didn’t answer me.” She was all business.

“It’s really noth-“ Michael swallowed back the excuses when he saw her no nonsense face. “I walked in on Rich asking Jake to prom.”

“Oh, Michael, that sucks.” Jeremy’s eyes were soft in a way that only twelve years of intimacy could establish.

“Why? I don’t even know why I care, I- I don’t..” Jeremy and Christine were both giving him a look. God, they were both so in sync. “What?” The couple sighed simultaneously.

“Michael, we know about your crush on Rich.”

“My WHAT?” Surprisingly, that made a lot more sense than it should have. Why did he always have to be the last one to know these things?

“Mike-“

There was a knock at the door. Jeremy jumped about a foot in the air. Michael snorted in spite of his recent revelation. Christine opened the door with her best ‘Oh authority figure, we’re not bad kids, I’m a good student’ face on. However, it was useless because on the other side of the door stood Rich.

“Guys? Did I just walk in on some weird threesome shit?” Rich’s lisp shone threw his speech and Michael’s heart did a backflip. Shit.

Jeremy sputtered indignantly, “What?? No!! Why would you even-“

“Jeremy, bro, calm down. I’m just joking. I just wanted to talk to Michael real quick.”

Jeremy’s skeptical expression could win awards. Rich shuffled from foot to foot awkwardly under the three stares. Eventually, Christine must have seen something on Rich’s face, because she nodded and grabbed Jeremy’s arm again and pulled him out of the closet. Jeremy’s skeptical glare followed Rich the entire time he was pulled off.

“What was that about?”

Michael shrugged his shoulders eloquently and hoped that his face wasn’t burning as much as he thought it was. “So.. Uh… what did you w-want?” Damn Jeremy was rubbing off on him with the stuttering.

“Oh! Yeah. I was wondering..” Rich stepped into the closet and shut the door behind him. “I was wondering if maybe you’d want to go to prom with me?”

Michael’s world flipped on its axis for the third time that day. Honestly, he was getting dizzy. “What???”

“I said-“

“I know what you said!” That came out too urgently. “You- I just heard you ask Jake to prom!!!”

“What? Michael, no! I was asking him if he thought YOU would go to prom with me!”

Michael was at a lost for words. He stood there just opening and closing his mouth for a good few seconds.

“…I would really appreciate an answer, Mikey. You know. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Wh- Yes! Of course, yes, but I thought-“

Rich beamed at him, “Well you thought wrong. It’s always been you, Michael.”

For someone who just figured out he had a crush, Michael could fall in love with the idea of that.


	9. Stagedorks - "Why haven't you kissed me yet?"

16- “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

 

Jeremy was nervous.

Not his usual ‘It’s always kinda here and you have to deal with it’ nervousness. But full blown ‘you can’t do this and you’re going to either freak out or die right now’ nervousness.

It was a make or break moment.

And Jeremy was pretty sure that he was going to break.

Asking Christine Canigula out had been easy compared to defeating a super computer in your head. He had still been running off his high of being free, having his father put on pants, his best friend forgiving him and having new popular friends. Honestly, asking her out hadn’t seemed that hard then.

Now that he was actually outside the little café, he was freaking out.

He and Christine had agreed that their first date should be low key and comfortable. But Jeremy thought that there was absolutely nothing comfortable about dressing up (Jenna had told him that a button up was a good choice), walking six blocks to a café (Michael had offered to drive him but Jeremy really didn’t want him embarrassing him on his first date with his dream girl), and sitting down to a lunch with a girl he had dreamed about talking to for nearly four years now.

He wipes his sweaty palms on his pants and pushed the door to the café open.

Christine was sitting right next to a window, a sandwich and a lemonade (at least Jeremy thought it was a lemonade. People didn’t drink alcohol on lunch dates, did they?) sitting in front of her.

Jeremy made his way over to her table, only running into one chair on the way. He wiped his sweaty hands on his cardigan again and cleared his throat, “H-H-Hey, Christine..”

“Jeremy!” Christine looked up at him with a bright sparkle in her eyes. Wow she was perfect. “Hi! I already ordered, but I didn’t know what you want, so I haven’t gotten you anything, but their food is really great here!!” She gestured to her sandwich and he smiled softly.

“I’ll just… go get something.” Jeremy practically raced to the counter to go order food. He was just so nervous. Christine was perfect, he couldn’t do this. He didn’t know how to do this.

He was going to flub it. He was going to make a mess of things and Christine would think he was weird and play rehearsal would be so awkward and he’d never talk to another girl ever again.

Jeremy took a deep breath and ordered a cup of soup.

He had to do this. He had been dreaming of this forever. And Christine wasn’t scary, she was the nicest person he knew.

She was sparkles and smiles and play rehearsal. She was songs and giggles and funny jokes. She was flowers and passion and everything he loved.

It would be okay.

Jeremy took a deep breath and went back to the table. He could do this.

“Jeremy, I’m so glad that we could do this. I like hanging out with you a lot.”

Jeremy’s heart did a backflip. Wow. She was… wow. “I like hanging out with you too. L-Like so much.”

Christine grinned and started a conversation about one of her favorite musicals.

The rest of the date went smoothly after that. Jermey calmed down and spoke to her like he always did during play rehearsal.

They finished their food and left the café. They went on a walk through downtown. At some point, Christine had grabbed Jeremy’s hand. He tensed up and squeaked at first but slowly relaxed as they walked. Christine said nothing about his clammy palms. Jeremy was so happy. Everything was perfect.

They eventually ended up in front of Christine’s house after a while and Jeremy felt his nervousness creeping up again.

They stood in front of her driveway.

“This was nice, Jeremy. We should do it again.” Christine swung their hands between them.

Jeremy looked down at their hands and blurted out, “Isn’t this when we’re supposed to kiss?” He pulled his hand back and waved them in front of his face, “N-Not that I expect- I- I just like you a lot and you’re really really pretty today and I just thought maybe we c-c-could-“

“Jeremy.”

Jeremy froze, his face bright red. “S-Sorry.”

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

Jeremy took in a shocked breath. “You- Really?”

Christine smiled up at him and nodded.

So Jeremy kissed her.


	10. Richjake - "I needed you, and you weren't there."

38 - “I needed you, and you weren’t there.”

 

Jake Dillinger was always busy. It was just part of who he was. Everyone who knew him understood this. He had ambitions, and he was rather bad at saying no. He was in practically every club, team, or organization that was offered at their high school, and he always made time to spend with friends and boyfriend. He was organized. He had his system. He kept everything balanced so that he could do everything that he wanted.

Rich knew this. Rich knew that Jake had a big heart, and that he did everything in his power to keep the scales even. To have time for everyone and everything.

They had talked about Jake’s schedule when they first graduated from friends to boyfriends. Jake had explained that he didn’t want to give up any of his hobbies and activities, but he would if Rich needed him. He had made it very clear that he would do anything for Rich.

Which was exactly why Rich couldn’t ask that of him. Jake was amazing. The perfect teammate, the perfect student, the perfect best friend, and the perfect boyfriend. Rich wasn’t about to make Jake give up the things he loved just for him.

Rich told Jake that he didn’t have to do that. Rich didn’t need all that attention anyway. Jake would have enough time for everything, right?

Except he didn’t. Half of the time, Rich would get a text cancelling their plans at the last minute. Rich would be sitting in his car, getting ready to drive to Taco Bell to meet his boyfriend and his phone would beep.

Jakey-D: sorry, can’t make it, archery ran long

Rich could brush that off. He was tough. He had pretty good self esteem. He accepted Jake’s excuses and made plans for another time, and things were okay.

But it started happening more and more frequently. Jake would send texts that just read ‘gtg’ in the middle of conversations. He would cut Rich off when they FaceTimed, saying that someone else was coming over soon. He would often leave Rich on read – which in and of itself wasn’t that big of a deal, Rich wasn’t a fourteen year old girl – but he would do it at the most inopportune times.

Richie-G: Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight. My dad isn’t home, and I know you’re free, so…

Jakey-D: [Read at 6:23 PM]

Rich began to wonder if it was really worth it. If there was one thing that Rich knew, after everything, it was that he loved Jake. With all his heart. And part of loving Jake was loving his ambition and all of his extracurriculars. But now, Rich was beginning to feel like he was a tier below the hobbies and special interests.

Jake could always make time for a new sport or club. He would rearrange his schedule until he found a place.

Maybe it was just Rich. Maybe it was because Jake finally realized that he didn’t have to put up with Rich and his over-loud voice and his emotional baggage.

Rich thought about confronting Jake. He had it all planned out in his mind. He would go up to him, voice his fears and insecurities, and Jake would realize. He would realize what he had been doing and he would start doing better. Including Rich more and making time just for them.

Except, that’s not how it went.

“You said it was fine.” Jake looked confused.

“It was! Or I thought it was. Jake, I miss you. I feel like you’re leaving me behind.” Rich knew that his voice was shaking, but he couldn’t help it. He was scared. Honest to god, scared that Jake would push him away and leave him alone.

What Jake did next was amazing. He smiled at Rich, kissed his cheek, and swore that he didn’t mean to hurt him. He promised that he would make more time for them. Rich didn’t miss the flicker of something else in his boyfriend’s eyes, but he shook it off, because he had gotten what he wanted. Reassurance.

Things went smoothly for a while after that. Rich started voicing his feelings more, comforted by the knowledge that Jake really did care about him.

That was when it all started to go downhill. After a few weeks of smooth sailing, Rich started to notice how the genuineness of Jake’s reassurances began to fade. Whenever Rich started to talk about something serious that was bothering him, Jake would only respond in one or two word sentences, and if over text, it was always in only lowercase.

Jake had never texted like that before.

Rich pointed this out, but Jake just shook it off and said that Rich was being paranoid. It was just his mind playing tricks on him. Jake was fine, and he did care.

After a while, Rich stopped asking. He stopped coming to Jake with every little thing. He was being too clingy, or too pushy, or some combination thereof.

Once Rich stopped pushing his problems on Jake, the two started speaking less and less. They spoke only at school. Superficial things. Jokes and the like. They didn’t make plans for outings or dates. They rarely texted. Rich was too scared of being left on read again to start a text conversation, and Jake just seemed disinterested in anything having to do with Rich.

It broke him in two.

It all came to a head one day in the end of May. The last day Rich texted Jake first.

Richie-G: Jake, are you busy?

Jakey-D: [Read at 11:37 PM]

Richie-G: I’m serious, Jake, I need you.

Jakey-D: [Read at 11:41 PM]

Richie-G: Jake, please, it’s my dad. Please come pick me up.

Jakey-D: [Read at 11:47 PM]

Richie-G: Fine. I’ll text Brooke then.

Jakey-D: [Read at 12:03 AM]

Richie-G: You’re a dick, Jake Dillinger. I needed you, and you weren’t there.

Jakey-D: [Read at 12:38 AM]

Jakey-D: Wait, Rich, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I was angry, and I left my phone on. I didn’t mean to leave you like that, Richie.

Unknown: The number you have tried to contact has blocked your number. For more information contact your provider.


	11. Pins and Patches - "Why didn't you say something?"

35 - “Why didn’t you say something?”

 

Michael scanned the halls for his boyfriend. Luckily, he wasn’t very hard to find. Jake was one of, if not the tallest person in their class.

Michael’s eyes lit up as he spotted Jake up ahead, leaning against his locker. He pushed his headphones down to rest around his neck, a bright smile breaking over his features.

Michael pushed his way through the halls, glad to see that Jake was not occupied at the moment. In fact, the other boy just seemed to be staring down the hallway, as if watching for something or someone. Michael didn’t hesitate as he sidled up beside his boyfriend. He leaned up before Jake could even notice him and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

“Morning, babe.”

Jake turned to Michael, an almost surprised look on his face. It quickly melted away, however, and his signature confident smile fell into place. “Hey, Mike.”

Michael grinned at the affectionate nickname. “What’s up?” He ran his eyes over Jake’s appearance, taking in the relaxed posture, which at a second glance, looked almost forced. Michael grew concerned he noted the dark circles under Jake’s eyes. The question had almost been rhetorical, Michael asked it every morning, but now he looked up at Jake in search of a real answer.

“Nothing much.” Jake shrugged his shoulders, not elaborating any further.

Michael bit his lip, looking Jake up and down once again, but letting it slide. He had been doing that a lot lately, letting things slide. It seemed like he always did that when it came to Jake.

Michael was still his vigilant, exuberant self with his boyfriend, of course. If that had changed, he was sure that he wouldn’t stay with Jake. Nevertheless, Michael was never quite as persistent with his boyfriend as he was with everyone else. He knew that Jake had had a tough year. The entire school knew, really. So no one ever questioned Jake and the weird ways that he had been acting lately. Michael certainly didn’t plan on being the one to bring up the dark eye circles and distant looks, the yawning in class or the not quite as steady smiles, and all of the emotional baggage that came with it.

So, he let things slide. He pretended to believe Jake’s brave face, and didn’t utter a word about Halloween, his parents, or his casts.

Michael forced a smile. “That’s good.” He couldn’t think of much else to say, so he stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried not to be too obvious about the worried looks he was giving his boyfriend. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Jake began to talk about some mock UN meeting he had had the previous afternoon.

Michael was fine with being a passive audience.

——-

That day, Jake didn’t come to lunch.

In and of itself, that was not a rare occurrence, seeing as Jake had so many clubs and extra curricular to keep up with, but today, Michael couldn’t help but be worried. Jake had been so tired that morning, he hadn’t even kissed Michael once.

Michael sat at the lunch table, twisting the cord to his headphones around his fingers.

He couldn’t help but think of all of the things that could be wrong with his boyfriend. With everything that the boy had been through, the possibilities were nearly endless, and all terrifying. Jake could be having nightmares, it could be post traumatic stress disorder, he could be having medical issues, unable to get his pain medication for his legs, he could be overworked, keeping up with all of his hobbies and Michael, he could be cheating on him-

“Hey, headphones.”

Michael’s eyes jerked up, his breathing regulating, after what had almost been a fit of hyperventilation. Rich sat to his left, taking a bite of his burrito and eying Michael with one raised eyebrow.

“Hi,” Michael tried to smile at his friend, but mostly looked nauseated.

“What’s wrong with you?” Rich’s voice was comforting, even if his words were not.

Michael worried his lower lip between his teeth. He wasn’t sure if he should tell Rich what was worrying him. Jake was a private person, and he didn’t usually share when he was having troubles. Then again, Jake had been living with Rich since the fire, so if anyone would know what was going on, other than Jake himself, it would be Rich.

“It’s Jake,” Michael blurted, “I’m worried about him.”

Rich nodded, taking another bite of his lunch. Michael wondered how he could eat with such gusto during a serious conversation. “We all are, dude. But if he had something serious to talk about, he would tell you. You know that.”

Michael shook his head. “No he wouldn’t. Rich, he- we haven’t been dating that long, and Jake hates to look weak, even if we would never thing of him that way. You’re his best friend, can you at least tell me if he’s sleeping well?” Michael looked back at Rich, hopefully. He couldn’t stand being in the dark, but he would bear it if Jake was at least taking care of himself.

Rich’s brows furrowed. He looked at Michael as if he had just said the oddest thing that he’d ever heard. “Dude, how would I know? You’re his boyfriend.”

Michael’s breath caught in his throat. “What do you mean, how would you know? He’s staying with you. I just want to know if he’s-”

Rich cut him off. “Jake isn’t staying with me, headphones. I still live with my shitbag dad.”

Michael’s eyes widened. He pushed back from the lunch table, scrambling to stand up. “What?! But he said- he told me-”

Rich watched him, sympathetically, his food now forgotten. “Jake’s been staying at a shelter, Mikey. He told you-”

Michael didn’t stay around to hear the rest of that sentence. He grabbed his bag and headed for the door. He had to find Jake.

——-

Michael didn’t find Jake before the lunch period ended. He sat through his afternoon classes in a daze. He had been glared at no less than ten times for excessive tapping of his pencil. All he could think about was how Jake had lied to him; he had lied to his face, and now he was suffering and he still hadn’t told Michael.

By three, when school let out, Michael was about to burst with his need to see Jake. Luckily, Jake met Michael by the front of the school every day. Michael raced to their usual meeting spot, anxiety coursing through his veins.

As soon as he saw Jake in the distance, Michael felt his worry spike. Jake hadn’t told him. He didn’t want Michael to know that he was struggling, so if Michael made him talk about it now, he would probably be upset. Before he could talk himself out of confrontation, Jake was there, smiling that easy going smile.

“Hey, Mike, I-”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Michael interrupted. However, it came out fast and shaky, as if the question were all one word.

Jake blinked at Michael in confusion. “Huh?” He tilted his head, and if Michael weren’t so worried, he would have found that cute.

“Why didn’t you say something?” This time Michael spoke more slowly, but the words were still loaded with concern, and even a bit of hurt. “You told me that you were staying with Rich.”

Jake’s face fell. His eye immediately went dark, his expression shuttering. “I am.”

Michael shook his head. “Jake, no. Rich told me- he said you were- Jake, why didn’t you just tell me? I could have helped. I would have helped. I’ve been so worried, and-”

Jake held up a hand, cutting Michael off. “That’s why I didn’t tell you. You’re just… You’re so good, Mike.” His voice cracked. Jake’s voice never cracked. “I didn’t want to burden you with all of this.” He gestured to himself. “I knew that you would try to take me in, and I don’t- I’m fine in the-”

Michael’s heart broke as Jake lost his words. He stepped closer, pulling his boyfriend into a hug. “I know you are. You’re strong, and I know that, but you don’t deserve to go through this when you don’t have to.”

Jake clung to Michael tightly, burying his face in the shorter boy’s shoulder.

Michael cleared his throat. “I love you, Jake. Stay with me, okay?”

There was a moment of silence. Michael rubbed Jake’s back. He realized exactly what he just said, but was unwilling to take it back. He meant it, and Jake needed to know that.

Jake’s voice was choked and watery sounding when he finally spoke.

“Okay. I love you too.”


	12. Boyf riends - "The worst part is, I loved you anyway."

45 - “The worst part is, I loved you anyway.”

 

“No!!!!” Michael cried, falling backwards.

Jeremy stared ahead dispassionately. “I do what I have to do, Michael.”

“You- You just-“ Michael sputtered, clenching his fists. “I can’t believe you.” He glared at his best friend.

His former best friend.

Jeremy barely glanced at him. Michael glared even harder. It was like Jeremy didn’t even care.

“Jeremy. The least you could do is look at me.” Michael dug his nails into his palms, his glasses digging up slowly with his sudden heightened breathing.

Jeremy finally deigned to look down at the other boy. “Oh come on, Michael. You know I had to do this.”

“But you didn’t! You could have let me- we could have-“

“Michael,” Jeremy’s voice was pleading now, “come on, dude. You know that I didn’t mean it like that.”

Michael pushed himself up, straightening his back. He was taller than Jeremy to begin with, but with the puffed out chest, he looked almost intimidating. “Yes you did!”

Jeremy shrunk back, surprised to see this side of Michael. “Michael-“

“No.” Michael held up a hand to silence him. “No. I trusted you, Jeremiah Heere. I should have known that you would stab me in the back. I should have known that you would leave me behind for your own sake. I should have. But you know what, Jer? The worst part was, I loved you anyway.”

If it had been any other situation, Jeremy most definitely would have been tearing up at those words. Instead, he stared into his best friend’s red rimmed eyes incredulously. “Michael it’s just a video game!”

Michael’s bravado instantly flew out of the window at that statement. A pout quickly covered it. “Yeah, but it’s new and you’re being ruthless.”

Jeremy’s shoulders sagged slightly with relief as the anger faded from his friend. “I am not! I’m going easy on you!”

“No way! You- You’re-“

Jeremy shook his head. “You’re just high, Michael.”

Michael deflated, leaning into Jeremy’s side. “Yeah, I am.” He murmured.

Jeremy chuckled lightly and brought his hand up to comb through Michael’s hair. “It’s okay. Maybe we should take a break?”

“And make out?”

“And make out.”


	13. Richjake - "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

14 - “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

 

Jake looked angry. Honestly, it scared Rich a bit. Normally he could handle someone being upset with him, but he was already so disoriented and lightheaded that just Jake’s disappointed, slightly sad look was enough to strike fear into the heart of Rich Goranski.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me, Rich?”

Rich’s breathing picked up in pace again. Jake’s face fell and Rich couldn’t help but feel like this was his fault.

He didn’t mean for it to go this far.

—-

When Jenna first suggested an end of the year party for just the eight of them, Rich was excited. All of them were, really. It was all any of them could talk about for the weeks leading up to the end of their tumultuous junior year.

Which was why it was such a surprise that Rich didn’t even know that it would be a bonfire party before he got there.

Rich liked to think that if he had known, he wouldn’t have come, but deep down he knew that that was a lie. Even though he had been skittish around fire since Halloween, he would not have missed their little end of the year party.

Except, maybe skittish wasn’t exactly the right word. It was more like he couldn’t stand to be around it at all. His first week back at school, some senior pulled out a lighter in gym, and Rich nearly bolted.

As it was, he had fallen into a bout of hyperventilation that left him too lightheaded to stand.

It was as if the very sight of flames sent him right back to that night. The smell of gasoline and smoke, the loud pumping of the bass ringing in his ears, the roaring of the flames, the smell of burning wood, the sting of the fire against his own skin-

Just seeing fire would send him into a spiral of Halloween night. Rich’s breaths would get shorter and faster, as if he were still surrounded by the smoke, gasping for clean oxygen.

Of course, it had only happened a few times since Halloween. People were reluctant to mention the fire around him, and he wasn’t exactly complaining. Rich went out of his way to avoid the element altogether, and it had worked. He didn’t have as many episodes.

In all honesty, he didn’t really think it was important enough to mention.

And anyway, what would he say? 

“Hey, Jakey, I still have nightmares about the time I set fire to your house, and I don’t like being around fire anymore at all because it gives me panic attacks.”

Yeah, no.

He would have been fine never telling Jake and just avoiding fire forever. Everyone would have been happier, but of course Jenna wanted to have a cookout as her beginning of summer party.

As soon as Rich got to the party, fashionably late, he could smell it. Jenna had a huge fire pit in her backyard, and what had to be the tallest bonfire that Rich had seen since the night of the incident roared right in the center of the yard.

Chloe, Michael, Jenna, Christine, Jake, Jeremy and Brooke were already surrounding the sparking blaze, laughing and talking loudly. Or, it would have been loudly, but to Rich it sounded more like a dull buzz. 

Rich hadn’t even noticed that he had started to hyperventilate again until everyone’s eyes were on his. The excitement in their eyes quickly gave way to worry and panic and Rich couldn’t help but feel guilty for it.

The weight of the guilt only made Rich’s breathing more difficult. He took a few shaky steps back from the bonfire, an apology on his lips. He was just about to turn and leave, find somewhere calm to catch his breath when he saw Jake’s face.

Worry clouded his features. Jake was worried about him. It wasn’t fair. He wasn’t supposed to know. Rich didn’t deserve his pity.

Rich began to scramble backwards, unable to tear his gaze from his boyfriend’s. His only thought was how he had to distance himself from the fire and the pitying gazes, and he didn’t even register the unevenness of the ground behind him.

The next thing Rich knew, the world was darkening and he was catapulting towards the ground.

—-

Rich snapped back to the moment, his eyes dragging up from the tile of Jenna’s to his boyfriend’s upset expression. 

He couldn’t even remember how he got here. He just came to in the kitchen with Jake looming over him, that godforsaken look in his eyes.

Rich gulped, realizing that Jake was obviously waiting for a response to his question. “I… I just- I didn’t want you to worry.”

Jake’s eyes widened. “Worry? Rich, I’m worried now! Even more worried than I would have been if you had just told me!” Rich must have flinched, because Jake instantly lowered his voice. “Richie, I always worry about you. How long has this been happening?”

Rich looked down again, studying his sneakers. It was times like this that he almost wished that he still had the SQUIP to navigate conversations for him. “I.. Since the fire.” He mumbled.

Jake was silent. Rich squirmed uncomfortably. He was just about to look back up when he felt arms wrap around him, securing him in his spot. Rich released a shaky breath that he hadn’t even known he’d been holding. He quickly wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s middle in return, burying his face in his chest.

It was a few minutes before Jake spoke again. “I’m sorry you’ve been having these, Richie. I… I wish you had told me.”

Rich sniffled into Jake’s jacket, shaking his head ever so slightly. “Its… It’s my fault, so-”

“No. We both know that that fire was not your fault.”

Rich felt himself beginning to tear up, but he didn’t contradict Jake again. They had had that conversation many times before, and there was no need to relive it.

“Promise you’ll tell me if you have… if you have an attack again?”

Rich took a deep breath. “Yeah. I will.”


	14. Jake x Jenna - "I thought you didn't want me."

11- “I thought you didn’t want me.”  
12- “I want you. Only you.”

 

Jenna stared at her phone, but nothing was really registering.

It was about 2:30 AM and Jenna couldn’t sleep, so she did what she always did when bored, she checked social media.

Twitter was rather quiet, most of the posts having to do with something political going on that Jenna really wasn’t in the mood to get into so late (or early) in the night.

Switching to Instagram, Jenna rolled over in her bed.

The first few posts were from people she barely know. Selfies of girls at parties that she didn’t go to. She liked them anyway.

About five posts down, she saw a picture posted by Christine. It was of Jeremy at play rehearsal that past afternoon. He was mid-dramatic monologue, and Michael could be seen in the background, his tech shirt on, talking to Chloe and Rich.

Jenna wondered where she was when Christine had taken that photo. She was pretty sure she had been doing her hair in one of the rooms backstage. She liked the photo and had almost scrolled on when she noticed something in the far corner of the photo.

Jake Dillinger stood in the wing of the stage. He had his signature bright smile on his face. Jenna paused and zoomed in on the picture.

He was talking to Brooke when the picture had been taken. Which, in itself, wasn’t weird at all. The two were friends. They all were.

But he had his hand on her shoulder. And she was blushing and twirling a strand of her blonde hair around her finger.

Something Jenna knew that Brooke did when she was talking to or about a crush.

Jenna tried not to read too much into it. Ever since the fire on Halloween, she had been working on not jumping to conclusions as well as not spreading gossip. Making assumptions is what led to rumors which is what led to people getting hurt eventually.

But it was really hard to take this picture any other way.

She zoomed out and looked at the caption.

“@broadway.christine: The Spring play is coming along amazingly! Come see me and all my friends this April!”

Jeremy was also tagged in the caption, and there were three comments. Jenna opened them up.

“@p2jerebear: ahhhh christine you have to tell me before you take these pictures!!!!!”

“@mellowmichael: @p2jerebear you’re as photogenic as you are good on stage bro!”

“@jakey.d: Hey! The gang’s all here!!”

Jenna bit her lip. Really? Was she just that forgettable?

You see, Jenna and Jake had been ‘talking’ for about three weeks now. Talking, meaning mutually flirting and going on not dates to Sbarro’s. Or at least, Jenna had thought that they had. But maybe that was just Jake being friendly. Because he didn’t seem to even notice that she wasn’t in the picture. Or that Brooke was quite obviously interested in him.

Jake was oblivious about certain things, he always had been, but Jenna didn’t think that he would forget her entirely like that.

It’s not that Jenna thought that she was all important. She knew that she was the last person that people thought about, even in her friend group. She had just been a source of gossip for the past five years. She was just so used being pushed aside by Chloe or someone else who shone brighter than she did.

For some reason she had thought that things with Jake would have been different. Jake spoke to her not for gossip or because he felt rude not to. He asked her about the things she liked, and he actually listened.

Or so she thought.

Jenna felt queasy. She knew that she wouldn’t get much more sleep tonight, but she turned off her phone anyway and rolled over so that she could closer her eyes and try to pretend that she wasn’t feeling heartbroken.

——

When Jenna went to school the next day, she was exhausted. She hadn’t fallen asleep again, but she also hadn’t opened her phone again since the previous night.

No one talked to Jenna when she walked into school. She even passed a few of her friends, Rich, Jeremy, Christine and Michael, but they didn’t even look up as she passed them.

She made it to her locker without being acknowledged once.

Jenna was just putting her things in the locker when she heard someone walk up behind her.

“Hey.”

Jenna froze at the sound of Jake’s voice. He was talking to her? Really?

“You didn’t answer my text last night, Jen. I know it was late, but you had just been on Instagram so I thought maybe we could talk.”

Jenna felt irritation bringing to rise up inside of her. “Really? You don’t want to just talk to Brooke?” She knew that it was petty to be like this, but Jake couldn’t just act like nothing had happened and expect everything to be okay.

“Brooke..? Why would I-“

“Oh, I don’t know. Because you two are basically a thing now, right? Maybe you should just go hang out with your friends.” Jenna practically slammed the locker door.

“What? Jen- Jenna, please. Is this about that picture? Because it’s not what it looks like. Brooke was just-“ Jake leaned back a bit from the angry girl and stuffed his hands into his pockets, pinking a bit.

“Just making her flirting face and talking to you?” Jenna knew that it was unfair to barely let Jake get a word in, but she wasn’t really feeling fair. She was feeling hurt.

“She was asking advice on asking this girl she likes out, honest! Jenna, I know we’ve got this unspoken thing going, and I really like you.” He placed his hands on her shoulders gently. “I wouldn’t do that to you. That comment I made was a stupid mistake.”

Jenna paused, shame filling her suddenly. Of course Jake wouldn’t do that. He wasn’t that kind of guy. She bit her lip and looked away from him. “Oh.” Her own insecurities had gotten the better of her. “I… I thought you didn’t want me.”

Jake smiled and tilted her chin up so that she was looking at him, “Of course I want you. Only you.”

Jenna smiled slightly. “Sorry for freaking out.”

“It’s fine, Jen. Maybe we should make this official so it’s not a problem anymore.” He leaned down and kissed the corner of her mouth. She blushed.

“I’d like that.”


	15. Richjake - "I'm still not over you."

40 - “I’m still not over you.”

 

Jake wasn’t used to being turned down, especially not when it came to dates. He had alway had a surplus of willing candidates when he needed someone to go with to homecoming or an upcoming house party. Girls and guys alike would line up for a chance with Jake Dillinger. He was hot, he was popular, and honestly, in high school, there wasn’t much else that anyone cared about.

Which was why he was so surprised when Rich Goranski turned him down for the first time.

It had been shortly after Rich had gotten out of the hospital. The two had had plenty of time to recuperate and forgive one another for everything that had happened over the past few months; or at least, Jake had thought so. Honestly, he had thought that things were going well. He and Rich were best friends again, and Jake had presumed that it was just the next logical step. Apparently he had been wrong though, because Rich had looked almost horrified when Jake suggested a date.

If Jake were completely honest with himself, he was a bit hurt by that. Being rejected by Rich was not at all like any normal rejection. Rich wasn’t some casual fling for Jake, and he thought that he had made that clear to his best friend.

However, all the wishing and confusion in the world didn’t change the fact that Rich had turned Jake down, very firmly.

That couldn’t stop him from trying again, though.

Jake was a very persistent person. There was no way that he would be able to maintain his schedule, sanity, or even his friendship with Rich if he weren’t, and he didn’t plan on backing down from something that he wanted that easily.

He asked Rich out ht second time because he thought that maybe Rich had just needed some more time to adjust to the idea.

Jake decided that two days was an adequate amount of time and suggested that they go to the movies that afternoon by Rich’s locker. Despite Jake’s gentlemanly offer and his thoughtful waiting period, Rich said no again. This time he had tried to be gentle about it, or, as gentle as Rich could be, but that didn’t lessen the sting.

Jake was stumped. Under normal circumstances, two ‘no’s would mean that he should stop asking, but this was Rich. Rich was Jake’s very best friend, and after all that they had been through that year, Jake couldn’t imagine not being with him. Not to mention, Rich had gotten a weird look on his face both times that he had turned down Jake’s advances. Not a I-Don’t-Like-You-Like-That Weird, but a weird that almost made it seem like he weren’t sure that he really meant the refusals. Rich was always direct about what he wanted, so Jake took his sudden confusing reluctance to show his desires as a challenge.

Besides, Jake’s heart had begun to feel so heavy when he was with Rich and not doing disgustingly coupley things with him that he had to take the chance.

Over the next few weeks, Jake asked Rich out at every opportunity that he got. He suggested all different kinds of dates, from dinner and a movie, to a night in with pizza, to a group date with the rest of their friends. He asked in different places, by Rich’s locker, at lunch before the other’s got to the table, and when they were hanging out after school.

None of them worked. Rich would always find some excuse to leave the situation, or just awkwardly change the subject. Afterwards, Jake would always feel his heart grow inexplicably heavy.

After Jake’s fifth attempt, Rich started to grow increasingly distant. He made flimsy excuses to not hang out after class, he started coming later and later to their shared lunch period, and began leaving earlier as well. By the second week of Jake asking him out, Rich was only spending time with him when they were with the rest of their friends.

It was the exact opposite of the result that Jake wanted. Instead of spending more alone time with Rich, he didn’t get to see him at all without some sort of buffer.

Jake was growing desperate. He still couldn’t figure out why Rich was saying no, when he obviously did not fully mean it, and at this rate, he would never get the other boy to say yes.

In a last ditch effort, Jake decided that he would just have to ask Rich out around the others. It wasn’t the best of plans, but it was his only option left, and Jake wasn’t about to give up.

That afternoon, during play rehearsal, Jake took his chance.

Jake kept his eyes on Rich throughout the rehearsal. He could tell that Rich knew that he was watching, but luckily, the shorted boy pretended that nothing was out of the normal.

As soon as Christine released Jake from his set duties, Jake was striding across the room in the direction of his best friend. He saw Rich’s eyes widen as their gazes caught. Rich instantly reached his hand out and gripped Jeremy’s shoulder tightly. Jeremy turned towards his friend, his expression confused as Rich quickly started a conversation with him in an attempt to look busy.

Jake scowled in frustration. Really, Rich was making this far too hard. It was starting to feel personal. Momentarily stalled by Rich’s distraction, Jake hovered on the edge of the stage, unsure of what to do now. Across the room, Jenna was sending him an odd look. To her left, Chloe met Jake’s eyes.

Chloe and Jake had dated on and off for nearly a year, so it was natural that they could read one another’s expressions well, even if most of the dating had been completely void of passion. Chloe nodded her head subtly in Rich’s direction and sent Jake a wink.

Just like that, Jake knew what he had to do. He cleared his throat.

“Richard Goranski.” Rich’s eyes shot up, surprise and something akin to fear filling his eyes. Jake spoke louder, getting the attention of everyone in the theater, even Michael, who was sitting in the back row with headphones on. “You’re my best friend, and you always will be, but I’ve been trying for a while now to get you to see me as more. I think it would be super dope if you would be my boyfriend. What do you say?”

Brooke and Chloe’s matching wolf-whistles were the first response that he got. Jake grinned back at them, charmingly. Before he knew what was happening, Jake was being pulled offstage by a strong hand on his wrist.

His smile melted as he saw the dark look on Rich’s face. That wasn’t at all the reaction that Jake had wanted or expected.

Rich pulled the taller boy backstage and into the nearest dressing room. He finally let go of Jake, only to push him harshly into the room. “Dude! What were you thinking?” Rich’s voice cracked on the last syllable, leaving Jake even more confused.

“Uh… that you’d say yes?” He tilted his head slightly, waiting for an explanation.

Rich’s face fell. “You can’t- Jake, you can’t keep doing this. I said no, okay?”

All of the sudden, Jake felt anger bubble in the pit of his stomach. Rich had been turning him down again and again for weeks now, with no explanation, and now he was looking so hurt, as if Jake had been the one doing something to hurt him.

“Well no doesn’t cut it! I deserve at least an explanation. This isn’t fun for me either, Rich!”

Rich flinched at he sudden raised voice, and Jake immediately felt bad. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Rich shook his head.

“No. Don’t, I-” Rich looked down at his feet. “You do deserve an explanation. I just… I don’t really have one. Not one that makes sense, anyway. I just… I know that you can’t date me, okay, Jakey? You don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve any of this.”

“That’s- Rich, that’s the stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard, and I’ve said a lot of stupid things.” Rich winced, but Jake continued. “You can’t just decide that, Richie. This isn’t just some thing for me. I- I like you, okay, I do, and you just saying no to every one of my advances because you think I don’t actually mean it doesn’t change that. I’m still not over you.” Jake hoped that Rich understood and believed what he was saying, because he meant every word of it.

Rich looked up again after a moment, and to Jake’s horror, there were tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Before he could speak, Rich’s arms were wrapped around his middle.

The two stood, hugging tightly for a few silent moments before either spoke.

“Yes.” Rich’s voice was shaky but strong. Determined. 

“Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you, but I’m paying.”

Jake laughed loudly and buried his face in Rich’s hair. “Okay. I can deal with that.”


	16. Boyf riends - "You deserve so much better than me."

11 - “You deserve so much better than me.”

 

Jeremy still thought about it sometimes.

It had been over a year and there were still moments in which Jeremy could hear him. It. It’s deep emotionless voice, handing out thinly veiled insults in exchange for control.

Of course, Jeremy never gave him- it- the control anymore. He hadn’t since the night of the play. But that didn’t change any of what he had done.

Because being under the influence of the SQUIP did not excuse the fact that Jeremy had hurt people. Good people. He had used and lied to Brooke. He had taken advantage of Rich’s bad family life to get closer to him and his popularity. He had treated his dad terribly. He had used Jenna’s emotional vulnerability to corrupt her. He had put Christine in danger. He had abandoned his best friend, treated him like trash, and still took him for granted every day since.

Jeremy knew, most days, that he was not completely irredeemable. He had apologized to his friends, father, and his boyfriend on multiple occasions. They had forgiven him, and they had all moved on.

It was just that some days, Jeremy felt as if he hadn’t moved on at all.

There were days where all Jeremy could think about was the people that he had hurt and disappointed. Days where he was sure that his father was on edge around him, worried that he wasn’t doing enough as a single parent, even though he had given Jeremy everything. Days where he could only think about the way Brooke’s face fell when he gave her that backhanded compliment. Days where he would close his eyes and see Michael’s broken expression, the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes behind his glasses, and hear his voice ring out with perfect clarity. “Get out of my way, loser.”

Days where Jeremy would skip school and stay at home, in his bed, doing nothing. Because he knew that if he went too school, he would see all of their faces and be reminded of how he almost ruined their lives. He would lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering how they could have forgiven him when it was entirely possible that if Michael hadn’t come at exactly that moment, they would all still be prisoners of that terrible hive mind.

Jeremy would lie in bed, ignore his dad’s voice through the door and try to push away the tiny voice in the back of his mind just as easily.

I may have voices in my head, but the loudest one is mine.

Jeremy. You know you ruined them. If you would just have let me seal the deal-

The loudest one is mine.

Jeremy, you would be so much happier if you just let me-

THE LOUDEST ONE IS MINE.

Those were the days that Michael would stop by after school with slushies and hugs. The days that he would find his boyfriend, his favorite person, curled in the middle of his bed, his fists gripped in his curls, tugging and pulling and murmuring that over and over to himself. And Michael would sit on the edge of his bed, hold his best friend’s hand, and whisper the mantra with him.

“The loudest one is mine.”

Sometimes, that was all it took. A few minutes of a reassuring hand in his and an icy treat, and Jeremy would be in a better place.

Other days, it took more. It took Michael repeating again and again that he did forgive Jeremy. Of course he did, how could he not? Jeremy was a good person, and he wasn’t in control of himself.

This was one of those days. Michael went through the motions as usual. After school he stopped by 7/11 and picked up two large slushies. He drove to Jeremy’s house and smiled at Mr. Heere on his way up to Jeremy’s room. When he saw the state that his boyfriend was in, he carefully deposited his things by the door and sat on the edge of the bed as usual. He had only just started to reach for Jeremy’s hand when Jeremy spoke.

“You deserve so much better than me, Michael.”

Michael was a bit shocked by the statement. Jeremy had never said it in so many words, though Michael could always see the sentiment in his eyes. He was also a bit surprised by the fact that Jeremy was even speaking right then. His voice was flat and emotionless but chocked with tears.

Michael wanted nothing more than to hug him.

“No I don’t.” Jeremy just stared at him, eyes red but expression unreadable. Michael sighed softly. “I don’t, Jer. You’re everything. There is no better for me, okay? You’re the best. I don’t care what that stupid tictac says.”

“But it was off when-”

Michael shook his head, silencing the other boy. He had heard Jeremy’s view of the story at least a hundred times, and it didn’t change anything. He gently tapped his boyfriend’s forehead. “It was inside your brain, Miah. It didn’t matter if it was on or not. It still had weeks worth of control and abuse built up in your head. Being off didn’t change that.” He moved his hand down to Jeremy’s chest and rested his palm flat against his chest. “I love you, Miah. And I forgive you. You’re the best for me.”

Suddenly, Jeremy was crying again. Silent sobs shook his body as he reached out and pulled Michael into a bone crushing hug. He buried his face in the taller boy’s shoulder and sniffled. No more words were said as the two sat on the bed, hugging and crying. After a while they would separate and talk it out more. They would have their slushies, watch a cheesy action movie and things would be okay, but for now, Michael just held Jeremy close, rubbing his back and pressing soft kisses to his shoulder, and that was enough.


	17. Expensive Headphones - "I'm better when I'm with you."

21- “I’m better when I’m with you.”

 

Rich was having a really bad day. He had woken up that morning with his burns stinging. Then his father had been awake as he was leaving for school, rambling loudly about where his beer was and how Rich was never home.

Needless to say, Rich had left the house in a bad mood.

His mood hasn’t improved when Jake had texted him to say that he couldn’t pick him up that morning. Rich had to walk to school and didn’t notice until halfway there that it looked like rain and he had no jacket. He certainly wasn’t going back to get it, so he kept on, just barely missing the rain when he got to school.

When he got to school, he was late to his first period math class. He walked in ten minutes late to a pop quiz which he failed horribly.

By 10 AM, Rich had a pounding headache. As lunch rolled around, Rich had pretty much lost all hope for the day.

He didn’t even bother getting a tray of food before dropping down at the squad’s usual table and burying his face in his arms.

Everything just felt off today. Rich new that when his friends got there they would worry about how he was acting, but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. He really just wanted to go home and sleep. But he also didn’t want to go home at all.

Sleep did sound good though.

Rich was thinking about how good it would be to just leave school when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up, a grumpy expression clouding his features.

Michael smiled down at him, “Bad day?”

Rich grumbled and face-planted back into his arms. He loved Michael, but he really wasn’t in a good mood today.

A few seconds later Rich felt something slip over his head and onto his ears.

Michael’s headphones.

Soothing music filled his ears. A few weeks ago, Michael had presented Rich with a mixtape that he had made, consisting of some of Rich’s favorite songs, some of Michael’s, and a few songs that he felt described his and Rich’s relationship.

Apparently he had made a digital version as well because Rich knew this mix anywhere. After about six songs, Rich was feeling better and he looked up.

Michael was sitting across from him at the lunch table. Their other friends were chatting happily at the other end of the table. Michael was watching Rich with a soft expression on his face. When Rich looked up at him, he smiled around the straw of his slushee.

Rich felt love bloom in his heart and the weight of the day rolled off of him. He lay back down and listened to Michael’s music for the rest of the lunch period.

When the bell rang, Michael tapped him and he stood up, pushing the headphones off of his head.

Michael looked as if he was about to ask how he was doing but Rich cut him off with a soft kiss before burying his face in his chest for a hug.

Michael wrapped his arms around him. “You okay, babe?”

“I’m always better when I’m with you.” It was muffled by Michael’s red hoodie but he laughed and ruffled Rich’s hair.

“I love you too, sap.” Rich felt a soft kiss be placed in his hair and he hugged Michael more tightly.

Rich’s face burned when he heard the chorus of ‘awwww’s behind him. He pulled his hand away from Michael’s and flipped off their friends.

Michael was always a good remedy for a bad day.


	18. Richjake - "Did it take you long to move on from me?"

28 - “Did it take you long to move on from me?”

 

When Rich and Jake broke up, most everyone was confused. It made no sense. The two had come so far in the past months. Since Halloween, they had grown together and become practically inseparable.

Everywhere one of them went, the other wasn’t far behind. Their friends had come to expect it. So when Rich showed up to school, sans Jake’s letterman jacket, with red-rimmed, puffy eyes, the other six were confused. Jake didn’t even come to school until the next day, and when he did, he brought the news that he was quitting half of his clubs.

The worst part was, neither of them would talk about it. It was like one day they were laughing together at lunch, planning a movie date, and the next day avoiding one another and clamming up at any and all questions.

Chloe and Christine, as ex-girlfriends of Jake’s, tried to broach the subject with him one day at play rehearsal, but he just brushed it off.

“I’m cool, guys, really. Let’s paint this tree, yeah?”

Neither of the boys planned on telling what happened, it seemed. The closest that either had come to opening up was when Rich cried to Michael and Jeremy on his first day back, only letting out a “we broke up” and something about Jake getting a letter from his parents. They didn’t know what to make of that.

Jenna tried to piece it together herself. Putting together stories through a chain of gossip and clues was her area of expertise, but even she couldn’t manage to get much more than the fact that Rich and Jake had split up. No one knew why. No one knew how. No one even really knew when.

Eventually, the others decided that it wasn’t worth it to keep asking.

After a while, they began wondering who would break first and stop sitting with the group at lunch. They dreaded the day that one of them would leave. Three days after the break up, Chloe started a group chat with Jenna, Brooke, Jeremy, Michael and Christine, and set the one rule for life ‘Post Richjake Breakup’. No matter what happened, who left the group, they would all do their best to maintain friendships with Rich and Jake. There would be no choosing sides.

They all resolved to just be there for both of their friends, no matter the circumstances.

And that worked for a while.

Until Jake started seeing someone else.

It wasn’t even official. He didn’t tell anyone that he was interested in Madeline, and beyond a few rumors, and the reopening of Jake and Madeline’s history, there wasn’t any proof that the two were even an item.

It started one day a few weeks after Rich and Jake stopped speaking. Jake stopped showing up at the lunch table.

The first day that Jake didn’t show, Rich looked so defeated, no one spoke for the whole hour, bar Brooke and Christine’s attempts at light conversation.

The more days that passed without Jake making an appearance, the more wary the whole group got. Jeremy voiced over the new group chat that he was certain that Jake was just going to stop talking to them forever. Just like that. Of course, Jeremy was always prone to extremes.

On the fourth day, Michael was the one to spot Jake. He was seated across the cafeteria at a table full of ‘cool kids’. His old crowd. Michael nudged Jeremy and pointed him out to the group, just in time for them to see Jake Dillinger put his arm around Madeline Beaumont.

Jenna gasped audibly at the movement.

Everyone stared for a few more seconds, their food forgotten on the table. It wasn’t until they heard the clatter of a dropping fork that they all snapped out of it.

Before anyone else could move, Rich was up and storming across the busy cafeteria. His eyes burned with more life than they had in weeks, all of it fueled by pure rage.

Heads turned as Rich tore a path through the meandering students, headed straight for Jake. The occupants table he left behind watched, frozen in shock in horror as the scene before them unfolded.

Rich was still a few feet away from Jake’s table when he began speaking. “Really? Her? Are you serious?”

The lunchroom fell quiet. Jake sat frozen in his seat, an almost pained expression on his face.

Madeline swiveled in her seat to face Rich, giving him a look of faux pity. “Are you talking to Jakey? He doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.”

Rich bristled. He straightened his back, as if it would make him more intimidating, despite the fact that he was barely taller than Madeline was sitting down. “I’m not talking to you.” He glared directly at Jake, but even from across the room, his friends could see the brokenness in his eyes. “How could you- with- it’s only been- did it take you long to move on from me?”

There was silence for a few moments. Madeline stared at Rich, her eyes full of malice, but he wasn’t looking at her.

“No.” Jake’s voice was quiet. Almost soft. He didn’t make eye contact with Rich. He didn’t even look at him, just stared at the ground. After a beat, he spoke again. “It didn’t take long. I was never into you in the first place.”

Rich made a small pained noise. If it weren’t for the utter silence in the room, it would have been inaudible. Christine stood up from her chair, but didn’t even make it a step before Brooke’s hand was on her shoulder, holding her back.

“Stop this.” Rich’s voice shook. “Stop it. This isn’t you. I don’t know what they said to you in that- that letter, but this isn’t you, Jake. The Jake that I know would never leave me like this without a reason.”

Madeline opened her mouth to say something, but Rich was already on his way out, pushing past the captivated student audience. Jake sat motionless, staring ahead with a blank expression.

As soon as Rich was out of the cafeteria, the whispers started. Murmurs like a buzz, overtaking the cafeteria. Christine shook off Brooke’s hand and followed Rich’s path out the door, Michael and Jeremy behind her.

Chloe was the first of the remaining three to speak, her body relaxed, but eyes angry. “Dammit, Dillinger.”


	19. Richjake (Chapter 18 pt. 2)

“Jacob,

Your father and I have just found a safe place to lay low for a bit. We know that it has been a while since you’ve heard from us, but you understand why we had to do this. You’ve always been such a smart boy.

How are things at home? We hope that you’re maintaining everything. You know what we expect of you.

You’ll hear from us again soon. Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.”

Jake took a long gulp from his beer can as he read over the short letter for what must have been the fiftieth time.

It still managed to make him feel queasy.

In just a few short sentences, Jake’s parents could manage to send him into a downward spiral of self doubt.

If his parents came home now, they would be so disappointed in him. He’d quit many of his extra curriculars, his grades had dropped in the recent months, he had two broken legs, he was living in a motel because he had gotten their house burned to the ground, and he was dating the guy who burned it down.

Jake’s stomach clenched at the thought. He knew, even in his haze, that he didn’t blame Rich for the fire, but he knew that his parents would. They had never really been forgiving people.

Jake took another long gulp, emptying the can.

He was a disappointment.

He could hear the words, even after all these months, in his father’s voice. He could see the dispassionate expression on the older man’s face, and feel that never ending pit of crawling regret that had seemed normal to Jake back then.

Jake was a disappointment to the Dillinger name. He was a mistake. He could never live up to their expectations.

They left for a few months and he was reduced to this imperfect mess.

A part of Jake was angry at them. A very small part. A part that said that they were in the wrong. They had no right to expect so much of him, especially after they had left him without a word.

The bigger part of Jake knew that that was wrong, however. He was just a burden to them. They owed him nothing, because he could never live up to the standards of the son they wanted. Jake was not perfect. No matter how many clubs and teams he joined, he was never good enough earn their pride. No matter how many girls he dated, he could still see that minute disgust in his mother’s eyes that had first appeared when he said he liked a boy at age thirteen. No matter how high his grades were, he was never smart enough to figure out how to make them like him. Jake was never enough.

And now he’d proven it. He’d lost their house, and all of the luxuries that they had graced him with. He’d lost his potential scholarships because he just couldn’t keep up. He’d broken it off with Chloe, the only girl his parents had even come close to approving of. He had been in a committed relationship with the least Dillinger Approved person that could exist.

Just thinking about Rich made Jake want to burst into tears. Despite knowing that Rich was everything that his parents would hate, Jake was so in love with him it hurt. Rich had never expected everything from him. Rich thought that Jake was amazing, broken legs, broken heart and all. Rich was everything that Jake wanted, and he had hurt him. He had pushed him away for parents who would never accept him.

Jake broke free from his thoughts with a gasping sob. He’d ruined it. He had ruined everything just because of one short letter. One short, unsigned letter from parents who couldn’t even say that they loved him.

Jake dropped the half empty can onto the table and buried his face in his hands.

He didn’t deserve Rich. It was probably for the best that he had broken it off, even if it was for the wrong reasons.

Though, for some reason, Jake couldn’t shake the vision of Rich’s face the other day in the cafeteria. The pleading look in his eyes, the broken slump of his shoulders right before he left.

Before he knew what he was doing, Jake had his phone out and was hitting call on his first speed dial entry. The phone rang four times before it was picked up. Jake sobbed in relief.

“Jakey?”

His voice was like a soft blanket, covering Jake in a comfort he didn’t deserve. He was so comforting and sure, even after everything that Jake had done to him, and Jake just wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and be imperfect and still have someone love him. He knew that he didn’t deserve that. Not now, after abandoning Rich just like his parents had abandoned him, but he knew that he would have to try.

After a few shaky breaths, Jake managed to get out the words. “I’m sorry.”

He had barely spoken them before Rich was shushing him. “It’s okay, Jakey. I’m coming over and we can talk about it, alright?”

And Jake was crying again. Jake was crying again because he was weak and he was being given this second chance by the most amazing person he knew.

“Thank you.”

Jake knew he had a lot of apologizing to do. A lot of apologizing and a lot of healing and even more explaining. It wasn’t going to be easy to come back from what he had done to Rich.

“It’s no problem. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

It wasn’t going to be easy, and it certainly wasn’t going to be perfect, but Jake had decided that he didn’t want perfect anymore.


End file.
